How I Feel
by Raifuujin
Summary: Shinichi thinks about his feelings toward Ran


Not sure if this needs a disclaimer but….I do not own Detective Conan.

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I had fun playing with you when we were young and innocent

I worried when you went missing, so I made sure to always know where to look for you

I stopped using your first name so that other kids wouldn't make fun of you for being close friends with a boy

I wanted to give you peace of mind when you were afraid that a monster haunted our school

I was protective of you when we met a strange, knife throwing man that night

I was surprised when you decided to stay with me despite my attempts to push you away

I hid my anger when others bullied you in front of me

I granted your wish when you wanted to see your parents together again

I felt lonely when I had a petty argument with you and was too stubborn to apologize

I was thrilled when we heard that woman singing and started talking to each other again

I thought you were cute when you believed a legend was real

I blushed when your friend said that we were in love

I appreciated you when I got caught up in investigations and you didn't get angry

I was amazed when you waited for me when I was four hours late

I gave you my umbrella when I saw you standing without one

I couldn't sleep when you lay unguarded beside me

I was glad that you supported me during my first case

I felt embarrassed when I asked you that…personal question

I smiled as I held you close when we leaned out of the window of a silver Jaguar

I was terrified when you almost got crushed by a suit of armor

I felt my ego grow when you bragged to others that I had solved a case on my own

I was concerned that a murderer's words would cause you to feel guilt

I went to retrieve the handkerchief because I knew it meant something to you

I yelled and told you to run when a killer stood in front of you

I agreed with your decision and helped you save the killer's life

I carried you to the hospital when you collapsed

I felt relief when you didn't remember the horrible experience

I cheered when you won the Karate City Tournament

I was apprehensive about our date to Tropical Land

I talked about Holmes because I couldn't explain my feelings for you

I dreamed about us being together

I wanted to comfort you after a traumatic sight, but didn't know how

Then, I foolishly left you behind to follow a suspicious man dressed in black and saw something I shouldn't

Now, I lie to you so you won't be targeted

I heard you say that you love me, but I couldn't tell you the same

I save you from both other men and criminals when you cannot

I feel guilty when I see you with a lonely, sad look in your eyes, because I'm the one who caused it

I call you when you begin to miss me, just to reassure you that I'm still alive

I got frustrated when the first chance I had to tell you how I felt was cut short

I chose not to chase a thief because I believed I needed to protect your dignity

I felt my heart stop every time I thought you might be in danger

I decided that it was time to tell you the truth, after you helped save my life when I got shot

I instead took the chance to see you again as myself

I had planned on asking you to spend your life with me, but I ended up leaving you alone again

I accepted your chocolate and gave you my number, hoping that it would ease your pain

I am always by your side, but you don't recognize me

I was proud when you solved a case on your own and experienced the same thing I do every time I give a deduction

I tricked you when you started to become suspicious again

I got angry and scared when I saw you next to a murderer who wore my face

I was happy when I had the chance to spend more time with you

I wouldn't let go of your hand, because I couldn't take away your comfort, knowing that I was going to disappear again

I tried to run when you were about to find out my secret, but you cornered me

I stepped out of the phone booth and you cried and ran away

I chased you, caught you, and confessed my feelings for you

I know how you feel about me and now you know I feel the same

I love you

I love your eyes, your hands, and your smile.

I love that you can kick butt using your karate.

I love your illogical fear of the supernatural.

I love your attempts at getting your parents back together.

I love that you are patient, kind, and caring.

I love you, and I want you to be happy and safe

I'm not sure that being with me can accomplish that

I love you, so please

Forget about me

Move on

Because I don't want to continue seeing the one I love in pain

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A/N When I showed this to my editor, Hin, she asked "Where the heck did it come from!?" And honestly I wasn't sure. I never thought I would write any form of romance…or poetry. I think it spawned from the idea that, if Shinichi became resistant to the antidote, he would want Ran to move on. So this whole thing came from the line "I love you, so please, forget about me." I might do one for Kaito as well, if I get motivated enough to write another one.


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